Monday, September 22, 2003

The Humorous Recap of Sonny & Mike's Excellent Adventure Returns -- now with added riboflavin!

PART THE THIRD -- and the boys brave the campus...and the loons...

Ever seen Hattiesburg during a home football game? I swear, I think everyone in the bloody city comes out (ironic choice of words, no?) for the game. Partially, because they're probably all alums, but also because there's nothing else to DO in Hattiesburg.

Anyway, Mike & I drive from the "mall" over to the campus of USM. Now, keep in mind, that this is an SEC-wannabe school. They try to do everything the BIG SEC schools do, including, but not limited to, letting their student body run free and drink unchecked on campus during a BIG GAME weekend. I should know. I worked for one of those BIG SEC schools. I have a cowbell to prove it.

So, we drive around the campus, looking for a parking place. That takes all of five minutes. All the bloody lots are full -- full of campers, RV's, tents...I think I even saw a family BBQ taking place. It wouldn't surprise me. So, after agreeing that parking on campus makes about as much sense as me wearing something that's not an earth tone, we head across the street.

Now, caveat here folks -- please insert any and all stereotypes of Mississippi you would care to at this point. When I state we're going to park across the street, this means Mike and I will leave his car in a field, tromp through wet grass and mud (gee, glad I dressed for this), and then cross four lanes of traffic: Highway 49, which is actually one of the two or three main thoroughfares for Hattiesburg. Sad, really. Two wet, white guys sprinting across the road, hoping that the souped-up truck bearing down on us does not have a "roadkill" sighting.


So, we march for about three minutes (which feels like seventy minutes -- IT'S RAINING, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!), and we make it onto the campus of USM. Now all we have to do is find where the damn protest is supposed to take place. All we see are bubbas, beer cans, and the ugliest cheerleader and dance team outfits ever known to man.

THUS ENDS CHAPTER THREE . Coming Soon -- Chapter Four: God Hates Fags. Apparently, though, He is supposed to give his support to hatemongers.

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