I really didn't sleep well last night. Thinking about things in my life, and wondering if I totally suck at this whole being-God's-vessel thing that we're called to be in our daily lives meant I had weird (bad) dreams and I woke up on an almost hourly basis.
And, since I am all but freaking out about heading up the College Ministry at Compass Church, serving as the leader (God help them) of GPS: God's Purpose for Students...this means I seventh-guess every word that comes out of my mouth, because the last thing in the world that I want to do is say something on Sunday nights when I'm leading the group that could cause emotional and spiritual damage to someone. Plus, I really don't want to sound like a total jackass. I want to come across as sincere as I feel in my heart, connecting up with people in a way that's relevant, meaningful and fulfilling. I do not want to do to them what was done to me: totally piss them off to God.
Since I normally get up before the sun anyway, this meant I was up especially early, and it gave me even more time to mope and be introspective. What fun.
About the time I saw light creeping through my window shades, I noticed that it had a certain hue to it that it normally doesn't have. It looked kinda red, in fact. And sure enough, the rising sun filtered through the cloud covering gave all of outside this eerie, ethereal glow and feel. So, I hook up my dog to take her outside for a walk, so I can see this odd sky in person, and maybe start to shake myself out of the funk I feel myself in.
...and then, it happened.
While staring up in the sky, watching the clouds move at various speeds, layering themselves as they transition from one point in the heavens to the next, the thought of how...comforting in the midst of this chaos it is that there is a divine plan and a Grand Designer behind it all. That no matter what the literal storms or the emotional storms in our lives may be...God's got it all in control, and there is a plan behind it all and a method to the madness. We might not like, enjoy, or even survive parts of the storms, but He is still holding us all, promising us that no matter what, He loves us and He will sustain us.
And no sooner had this thought entered my mind and heart...before a rainbow appeared. The sign of God's promise. Framed against this dark and grey sky, standing out like a lone smile in a sea of depression...my mind told me that it was simply a refraction of light, that there was a solid scientific reason why this prism appeared.
My heart told me that God just wanted to say hi, and that He was still listening. I wasn't alone, and that He had my heart. And my back.
Everybody go forth and have a great week.