Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Slice n' dice

"Neutered." That's how someone at work described the way I've been acting for the last few days. Emotionally and personality wise. Neutered. Totally non-Sonny-esque.

It's been bad. Not like before; this is a new level of badness. Imagine if you will, you get into a professional disagreement with someone who is technically your supervisor, but is also your peer. The disagreement was over a minor procedural issue, but this person then takes the opportunity to set up a meeting to discuss the issue and -- for two hours straight and in front of your supervisor -- explain how little they think of you personally and professionally. That your personality, your you-ness, is what makes them think of you so poorly.

Even though this individual is someone whose opinion has not mattered to me before (and really -- they didn't gain any brownie points with this little experience), and their opinion won't mean jack to me in the future...

It still hurts, and it cuts to the quick to have your essence of who you are judged, and to be told that you are unprofessional because of the way your personality is. Which is what this was in essence about - a conflict of personalities. Those of you who know me -- you know my personality. Go 180 degrees from that, and then have that sit and judge me.

Today's the first day since Friday (8-18-06) that I haven't felt totally worthless. I actually feel just mostly worthless today.

Sad that that's an improvement...

1 comment:

-me said...

But those of us who know you (really KNOW you) love you for the man you are and the man you want to become...because we know your heart. And I am realizing in my infinite professional wisdom :) just how little this all matters. Oh to imagine the looks on their faces if I said to them, "Whether you recognize me in what I do or not is up to you. Whether I receive your blessings on the choices I make in my career is again up to you. Because nothing that you could do, say, or give me could compare to the way that I am smiled down upon when I do not boast...when I am not selfish...and when I put Him before me. That, my dear supervisors, you may never agree with, and in doing so, you will never be able to fully understand what makes me ME."
Just a thought for you on this beautiful summer night :)
Go in "peace"