Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Insert obligatory Robert Frost comment here

Oh, the amazing difference that one small week makes…

For starters, I have been somewhere between humbled and flabbergasted by the outpouring of love, support and outright fist-pumping “YES!” cheers for what HAS to have been me yielding to the Spirit and deciding to peace out of my current position at the University of Miami at the end of this month (more on that in a moment). Also, I’ve been strengthened from the NUMEROUS sympathetic – nay! EMPATHETIC – messages from friends, colleagues, and people whose opinions matter to me who have found themselves in eerily similar situations; namely, that whole “gonna step out on faith and not know where the freak I’m going to end when this is all said and done, and all the mockery, scornful looks and questions of others.”

Turns out there are more of us ragamuffins striving to find our walk in God in spite of the wisdom of the world than I ever gave it a thought to be possible. And it amazes me that so many of them are in my close circle of friends, people whose struggles don’t necessarily mirror my own, but who we all just…are trying to do what’s right. What we feel we’re called to do. Who are tired of trying to make something career-wise fit (because we feel we have to), and instead are pursuing a passion. A dream. A path we’re called to walk on, and not just the first road we see or is the road others tell us makes sense to walk on.

Some of these are students I’ve come to know and love in the course of the past few months – yeah; I’m looking at you Crowley, Erazo, Ewok and Gabe – who I pray never lose that passion. Some of these are people I’ve known and loved for about a decade now (yes, Corrie, we’ve known each other that long). Some of these are people who have been in my life for such an amazingly short amount of time but feel like they’ve been with me my whole life (Tana, Ryan) and some who I have known for over half my life but have only gotten to know really well in the last few years (Pittman).

Thanks. Just thanks. And you’re all owed a cup of coffee or of your favorite beverage next time I see you.

So – as to why I believe that it was in God’s timing that I stated I would not be returning to UM in my current job on the day that I handed in my quasi-letter-of-resignation? As was alluded to in the previous posting, I had been in a holding pattern for months on end of uncertainty about my employment here at UM that only rivals the continual “Wait and See” comments uttered by Geoff Johns over at his eponymous message board. However, unlike HIS resolutions which almost always pay off being well worth the wait, I was insanely tired of waiting for something which ultimately might not pay off – financially or otherwise – and so, at God’s prompting of it being “the time” to do so…I drew the line in the sand and stated I could no longer work in a temporary capacity, and that I was not interested in continuing to do so, and that my final day would in fact be May 31, 2008.

24 hours later, after almost two years of trying to make it so, and after almost one full year of my serving in a capacity of a temporary employee – which means I get NO sick or vacation days, no benefits (such as things like health insurance; don’t ask about the last time I went to a doctor) and that I was and would remain ineligible for a raise or any change in my pay grade – the University of Miami approved for the position I am currently employed in to be made a permanent staff position, with full benefits. The. Day. After. I. Said. I. Was. Not. Returning.

This has messed with my mind, my emotions, my sense of worth, my sense of value, and I’ve been more than a little cheesed off at the timing (on the part of the administration) and the manner in which I found out (which was yesterday, and it was a classic, case study in How To Not Be Professional 101). It probably doesn’t help matters much that I’ve had XTC’s “Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead” running on my iPod for the last two days…The only thing I’ve been able to fall back on is the peace in my heart and mind about my decision, and the fact that Ashley and so many others support it.

I’m still trying to weigh out three-and-a-half (one’s kinda…odd…) potential offers on the table right now (for the first time in my life, I actually wrote out a PRO/CON list of the three), or if I should even take ANY of them.

Tonight – Ashley and I talk about the offers, and we see where we go from here…

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