I. Netflix is the writer’s mortal enemy. Between finally being able to watch a few shows people have sworn for ages I should be watching but haven’t (like The Big Bang Theory) and watching a few guilty pleasure flicks (The Last Starfighter on Blu-ray is just stinking beautiful) my DVD player has been eating away at all the free time I get afforded when Kai sleeps…which has been with alarming infrequency as of late.
II. I’ve been massively out of sorts. Emotionally I’ve been all over the board, I’ve not felt like I’ve been myself, and honestly, there have been some deep, serious, soul-searching moments that have come through in the last few weeks that – well, it’s been rough, kids. Rough.
Case in point: up until about four days ago, I was just a few keystrokes away from deleting this blog. Calling it quits, throwing in the towel – you name it. Part of my series of self-doubt moments came in me questioning “Really – who reads this? Who honestly cares? Is there genuinely anything of one whit of worth in the entirety of everything that I have written? Is there anything of note in my observations about parenting, the stuff of spiritual relevance I’ve written about, or in my just rambling endlessly about things that I think are cool?” I was glad that there were (and still remain) TONS of material sitting in notebooks in my house that have not gone up, because I thought if I was going to just chunk this page, then what was the point in typing it up or expounding on any of it?
I mean – surely people would rather read the observations of a stay at home dad from someone who was a little more well-known than me. And surely the insightful spiritual meanderings of a Donald Miller or a Jim Palmer are better than anything I have to say on any matter.
And then, as I randomly checked my email this past week…
From someone who stumbled across my blog and wrote me. With questions.
A total stranger. A total stranger who (apparently) had a few questions raised by what I wrote, and it led into a dialogue between us.
One person. One unsolicited email.
To be sure, I’ve had a few people who I’ve never met who read something I wrote and decided they wanted to email me. I can actually count that number on one hand, because – yes, uber-dork that I am – I have these messages saved. Based on traffic stats alone, I’m sure that there have been people who have read stuff hat I have written (and for all I know, are currently in the process of reading this post right now…ooh, heavy meta-text stuff here) and thought “This is pretty okay” or “This guy is a moron” but have never written me.
But this one time, right at the time when I needed it most (almost as if there were divine providence behind it) – I got an email from someone.
The three morals of this story are: (1) God knew exactly what I needed, when I needed it, and knew that with me, all it required was the simplest of things; (2) it’s made me actually want to write again (a desire which drained out of me a few weeks ago and I REALLY took a slug on the chin for me to think about tossing my journals at the start of last week). I’m not sure what will go up next yet but I have faith that whatever I write will be for more than just me to read; and (3) to those of you reading this: NEVER underestimate what one kind word, one email or note, or what one simple act of encouragement can do for someone.
So to those of you who read this stuff I write – thank you.
Even if I never know you're reading this.