Thursday, February 25, 2010

You ever have one of THOSE days...?

Like, for instance, my day yesterday...

You wake up on the wrong side of the bed...after getting next to no sleep (thank you, extremely strange dreams with probably some symbolism you're not quite ready to face)...with a splitting headache...and yet, you just can't seem to get in a "bad" mood all day. You're just on the cusp of it, but not quite there. And you just can't seem to either get in a foul mood or get in a better one. It's like an emotionally impotent limbo.

You start applying for jobs - jobs you're qualified on paper for - and find out that out of all your friends (including your spouse) who are attending the same conference to interview for various're the only one who's not heard back from any of these places to schedule an interview. You try not to internalize your worth, knowing that this is not a value judgment, but you still can't help but feel a little...
less...because of it. You also try to treat these potential interviews using the lesson you learned from STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE - even though you really, really, really might like the job, where it's located, and everything associated with it, you just can't bring yourself to get hyped about it, for fear of being disappointed...because you've been in that position where you've gotten excited about a job before, and then been burned by it.

So, you're feeling pretty much emotionally stymied by this point in the day (say, eleven am or so). witness the the sparkle in the eyes of and smile on your kid's face when he looks at you -
really LOOKS at you - and you can feel the love, trust, and happiness he has from being with you. And you realize that at the end of it all, if you never get another interview for another job, maybe...just maybe...this is the most important thing you can do with your life instead of having full-time employment: being a good dad. Letting your kid know you love them. Being there for them. Letting them crawl all over you (which, by puberty, might get a bit awkward).

Then God smacks you up the side of the head (and/or heart) with Jeremiah 29:11-13. Being the snarky Creator that He is, this was timed to be the VOTD at
, where you've been doing some research for two forthcoming blog entries. You read over these verses, and you have to smile a little (granted, a weary smile, but a smile nonetheless) over the way you're just...subtly trust. To hope. To have faith.

Then you spend the rest afternoon listening to Waterdeep/Enter the Worship Circle.

Then you kinda have to smile slightly at the way your day's gone so far, acknowledging the weight of the stress you feel around your eyes as they wrinkle, but not being hindered by that weight.

Then you start craving a Smoothie. ...but maybe that's just me.


lisacolorado said...

I think you will keep trying and you will get something. I just surfed over here from my blog, Gertrude. Great blog. Gives hope.

Emily T. Thomas said...

Makes complete sense to me. Minus the smoothie. Add sushi!