Saturday, July 10, 2010

Chernobyl of the heart and mind

[Note from Sonny: no, you don't have to read anything deeper into this other than what I wrote. There are no underlying "Holy-crap-is-he-okay?" messages contained herein. This was simply written by me during our final week in Miami. I'm just now getting around to transcribing it from my notebook.]

We oftentimes try to bury or suppress our memories and pain like so much nuclear waste: we bury them deep, encasing them in our concrete before dropping them into the depths of our hearts and minds. Unfortunately, more times than not, the pain…those memories…begin to resurface. They seep into the groundwater of our soul, polluting us from the inside out.

No matter what we try to plant over these pains, no matter how much we resurface ourselves, we know that they are still there, lingering and festering below. They weigh us down like an anchor. These memories, so toxic and dangerous, will not break down on their own. Their half-life extends beyond our lifetime.

It’s only by turning over, by giving over, this pain to God that healing can begin. It’s only by admitting that yes, I made a mistake in the lab of my life and crafted something dangerous all on my own. I didn’t observe the posted safety precautions. I didn’t think I would get this chemical burn.

I didn’t think this could happen to me.

Only the restorative power found through Christ can transform this, something thought of only as waste, into something useful. Only through healing and forgiveness can the burning sting of this memory be rendered inert.

We can allow God to use this, to use our actions, to use our lives as a signpost, a radiation or warning sign that this way lies danger. We can help to divert others from going down the same path we found ourselves on.

The test area, the landscape of our lives can not go back to the pristine state it was in before this bomb went off. Yes: the radiation may be absorbed, the danger to our lives may have passed, the toxic memory rendered inert…but it still happened. No matter what, we can not change the past. We can not erase what went before us. We can not act as if this nuclear holocaust never happened. It did.

But we can be restored.

We can be made new.

To ignore the miscalculations that led to this catastrophe in the first place only invites the probability that it may happen again.

Or, as I tried to state three years ago - God can and will make all things now; maybe not make all new things, but instead make all things new.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

this is very beautiful
Vanessa V