Monday, April 11, 2011

Blood Makes Noise

I have no clue how my car works.

This confession may potentially cause irreparable damage to my "Man Card," but what the hey: it's not like I use the darn thing all that often anyhow.

I used to half-heartedly joke that I hoped the magical elves that lived under my car's hood never went on strike, or I'd be in major trouble. Back when I was an undergrad, the first time I tried to change my car's oil all on my own, I wound up actually draining the transmission instead. When the water reservoir fell off my engine (don't ask), I decided to repair it using duct tape and just strapping it back on (never really taking that whole "heat melting glue" thing). When the came time to trade this car in for a newer one (that, y'know, worked), I was elated they actually offered me $500 in trade for it. I practically threw the keys to it over my shoulder as I ran out the door, hoping that I could get away before they took a closer look at the piece of crap they just bought.

Automobiles and I have never really understood one another.

However, if there's one thing through the ages of my driving that I have always understood in terms of how the horseless carriage works, it's the gas tank. Next to the stereo system, it's probably the only thing I really "get" about how a car operates. Cars need gas. Even my addled brain understands this.

Lately though, I feel like my car and I have had the same problem: we've both been running on fumes. And I feel like we've both been doing so for far, far too long.

It's not that I'm oblivious to the potential damages being done to my engine. And although I moan about how expensive it is to fill my tank, and I get annoyed that it takes time out of my busy schedule to have to stop and get filled up, also I know the longer that I run myself hot, the cost will be potentially higher to repair the damages, both internally and externally.

As I literally and metaphorically drive down the street, I see that I am surround by gas stations. Why, one might even be able to say that there's one on every corner. They all bear different brands and names, but ultimately sell the same product; although, granted, some may offer a slightly watered-down mixture of fuel. And they all make the same promise: stop in here, get yourself fueled up, and you will have better performance, better mileage in your life.

I just, quite honestly, don’t feel like I know how to fill myself up, or what I am to fill myself up with.

I really just need something to remove this gunky, black buildup of sludge and mess from me that's blocking my performance. My heart needs to pump something clean. I need to flush this system of mine, and start being consistent in actually getting fuel, taking the time to fill myself up fully and not "just enough" to make it to the next time I need to “top myself off.”

My windshield, for once, is clear. It's the rest of the car that's at issue right now.

1 comment:

Paul S said...

Have you considered taking a weekend away from everything? I know I do this from time to time to recharge. I unplug myself (even turning the phone off) pack my backpack with the things I need to sleep anywhere for the next 2 nights, climb on the back of my Harley, and go. I often don't know where i will end up, but I have a map along to help me get there. When I get where I'm going, I set up camp and then pull my books out. I can't say it's always the same books, but I will say the Bible is always in the mix.

I like spending some time reading His word as I let His creation lift the stress and gunk from my life. Might be something for you to try. Let me know how it goes if you do.