Monday, March 04, 2013

One Word 2013.2 - Now Don't

Thankfully, February was only 28 days long. This meant I had even less time than usual to screw up.

When my word for this year - "Now" - discovered me (it was not the other way around, I assure you), I logically presumed it was to spur me to action. There are numerous things I put off, defer, or ignore hoping they'll just go away out of fear, presuming they'll be an inconvenience, or because I simply don't wanna do them.

On one extreme, there's interacting with my family, and the notion (okay, confession time: it was more like a realization) that it's easier to just stare at a marathon of STORAGE WARS than talk, really talk, with Ashley (because at the end of the day, we're both just tired) or that it's easier to ask Kai to play alone in his room while I log in to the 87 quintillion forms of social media I use than to play another game with him (because after doing so for most of the day, I'm just tired).

On the other end of the spectrum are the things that if I don't do, I have no one to blame except myself: writing, talking with friends, and doing the occasional thing for me. It's probably the easiest to not do something for myself, because nine times out of ten it feels like I'm being selfish when I do.

This past month has had me NOW-ing a great deal - and actually enjoying it. I'm fairly certain Kai has enjoyed going outside to play tag in the backyard over taking a trip to the grocery store that could justifiably be put off until later. And I'm willing to bet that Ashley has appreciated the times we've cut the TV off in favor of just going to the bedroom to lay down, cuddle, and giggle with each other (and not just because she's pregnant and sleep is a beautiful thing). 

The days when Kai has awoken to discover it's "Happy Hulk Day" - and everything we eat and wear is green - and the times when I look at Maggie and willingly, lovingly take her on an extended walk around the neighborhood have been great. I've been acting and engaging intentionally a lot more than usual, and it's been awesome.

But...

God's also been working on my heart with what NOW can mean when I intentionally DON'T act on something. Something potentially dangerous - emotionally, spiritually, or physically:

That person who is toxic to you? You know how you want to text them?
Now don't do it.

That desire to sit and eat the entire container of fudge or ice cream because you're depressed? You know it's not good for your aging self.
Now don't eat it.

You know that store you want to go to? Let's be realistic about your budget. You don't need to shop there now.
Now don't go buy anything.

You know that website you and I both know you shouldn't log into again?
Now don't.

I'm discovering that sometimes, the inaction I take towards something dangerous leads to greater and more opportunities to act on something healthy instead. That, and when I'm in the throes of doing and being in the NOW of what I need to do, I don't have time - or even the desire - to do the things I don't need to do.

So, basically, I thought I knew what my word was about. And God took the shortest month in the calendar to upend my belief.

I think this means March is going to come in like a lion to my heart.

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